Raising Daughters of Worth

"Now the king was attracted to Esther more than to any of the other women, and she won his favor and approval more than any of the other virgins. So he set a royal crown on her head and made her queen instead of Vashti."  Esther 2:17 

I want to share some startling statistics with you.  As a mother of a pre-teen daughter, reading these facts saddened me and put a fear in me as well.
* A girls self-esteem peaks at age 9
* Only 2% of women describe themselves as "beautiful."
* 62% of girls are insecure about themselves
* One in Four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime.

When I think of these statistics, many emotions are conjured up.  Yet I also think of Esther.  Yes, the Esther that the Bible says was beautiful, brave and obedient.  Elizabeth George states in her book, "The Remarkable Women of the Bible," that God chose Esther to help save His people, the Jews.  She had acquired the beauty of being useful to God?  What does that mean?
Elizabeth George shares Esther's Beauty of Usefulness came from several aspects --- Heritage, Parentage, Tutelage, Advantage, and Homage.  (I encourage you to read this great book if you haven't before!)
The people around Esther only saw her outward beauty, but God was weaving so much more beauty in her life than even she probably knew.  I want to teach my daughter that outward beauty is not the ultimate goal, but the beauty of the heart.  From that beautiful, kind-hearted, and caring heart, I pray springs for the beauty of courage, the beauty of wisdom, and the beauty of love.
From a very young age, girls are taught to be beautiful you have to look a certain way and act a certain way.  If you do not measure up, you are shunned, devalued, and even overlooked completely. Our girls are taught that if others don't show them worth, they are truly worthless.  Why do we stand for that?  Why do we as parents stand by and let this negativity breed in our child's heart?
Those devalued and overlooked girls grow up to be women with little self-worth.  She becomes the girl that never saw herself as beautiful or worthy.  She becomes the woman who defines her worth by the way a man treats her.  She becomes the woman caught up in a relationship of violence.
It is time to share with our daughters the value that God places on them.  Our girls need to see the beauty that God sees in them.  Our girls need to know the beauty of courage, wisdom, and love!
Recently, I heard a mother say, "As for my girls, I will raise them to think they breath fire!"  What did she mean by this?  I think she wants to instill in her daughters that they are powerful; they are filled with courage; they are filled with worth; and they should accept no less from themselves.
What do you think?  Do you have daughters?  What do these numbers say to you?

Dear Lord, I pray for all the girls who feel worthless, for the women who grew up thinking they were not enough.  I pray for all the girls today who are not taught to see the beauty you have instilled in them.  I pray for all the women today caught up in relationships where they feel they have no value.  Lord, use me to reach out to these girls and women and be a beacon of hope and love in your name!  Amen

A Woman of Wisdom

"She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue." Proverbs 31: 26


As the mother of a 6 year old daughter, I know the struggles that she has from adjusting to a school schedule to making new friends.  Yet I had been blind-sided by the self-image, self-worth, and peer opinion really matters to her at this age.  If you were to meet my daughter, you would come away probably thinking how sassy and cute she is (maybe I am biased on the cuteness).  Yet the longer you are around her, you will listen to her as she talks about what she likes to wear and what her friends think of her.  
For the past year we have "battled" over the clothes that she wears.  Last year I bought several outfits (shorts and shirts) on sale that I thought she would be able to wear this year.  While those outfits do fit well, she cries and is obviously hurt that she has to wear such.  She says the shorts and shirts outfits do not look good on her and her friends will not like them.  If she could pick what she wears everyday, she would pick dresses and skirts.
Lance and I have previously been somewhat flippant in our reactions to her appeals. For example our reactions include --- "who cares what your friends think?  did they buy your clothes?  why does it matter that you are wearing shorts?"  Lately, we have tried to focus on the beauty in her heart.  Lance and I have been intentional in telling her that she is beautiful no matter what she wears and that God made her beautiful.  Yet, is this enough?  As I listened to her petition this morning about not wanting to wear the shorts outfit, I began to pray.  I prayed that the Lord would help us to see where the root of this is coming from.  I began to pray for Wisdom.  
After I dropped her off at school this morning, I began to think about scripture and Proverbs 31:26 came to mind.  I want to speak to Alex with wisdom and that my instruction is what she needs to hear.  
I have read many articles that discuss the importance of the father-daughter relationship, and Lance has always recognized the importance of his relationship with Alex.  For example, did you know ---

Father's can help daughter's build self-reliance and self-confidence by letting her know she is special and can achieve anything she wants to.  Daughter's who have actively engaged fathers are also less likely to experience depression, become a teen mom, develop body image problems, use drugs/alcohol, or engage in criminal activity.  

Father's teach their daughter's adventurism and achievement, assertiveness and self-worth.  The way a father relates to his daughter will determine how she will relate to herself and others, and what type of a family she will create in her future. Father's also teach their daughter's leadership, humility, and courage.

From Healing Hearts and Families counseling

A daughter is profoundly affected by the kind of relationship she has with her father—often more so than by her relationship with her mother. The girl who grows up having a comfortable, communicative, supportive relationship with her father generally has advantages over other girls when it comes to:

• Academic achievement and future jobs and incomes—especially in areas related to science, math, and technology;
• Avoiding teenage pregnancy and early marriage;
• Being self-confident and self-reliant;
• Setting long-term goals;
• Avoiding emotionally or physically abusive relationships;
• Resisting peer pressure to have premature sex, smoke, drink alcohol, or take drugs;
• Not being overly dependent on boys in order to feel good about herself;
• Asserting her opinions and standing up for her beliefs;
• Dealing well with people in authority (teachers, employers, etc.);
• A willingness to try new things and accept challenging tasks; and
• Having less chance of becoming depressed or developing an eating disorder.

From www.pta.orghttp://www.pta.org/2577.htm

It is my prayer that if you have a daughter, that you strongly encourage her to have a relationship with her father whether he lives in the same house or not.  I pray that your daughter, like my own, will find her value and worth, not in the things of man, but in the heart of the Lord.  I pray for wisdom for myself as I seek to raise my daughter where peer pressure and image are already invading her life at the age of six.